What happens after the argument
Most couples argue. That’s not the problem; I’m more concerned when people tell me they never argue, since it’s usually arguing that leads to resolution and makes a relationship stronger. What matters isn’t whether you argue. It’s what happens after.
I hear it constantly: “Here we go again.” “You’re crazy.” “You’re too much.” All ways of dodging accountability, refusing to even acknowledge someone else’s pain. Do that enough times, and the hurt never goes anywhere. It just waits.
The argument isn’t the thing to watch. It’s whether accountability shows up afterwards. Being dismissed, feeling unsafe, never being heard, whatever shows up for you, if it keeps happening, that’s the pattern to watch.
I often say to clients: if the next ten years look like the last ten, would you want to stay? Waiting for it to change, without doing the work to change it, is waiting for a miracle.
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